Time is rolling
I wonder why my brain chose to end the first with a “to be continued” statement, but I believe my heart knew it was worth it. Each story has an end and a beginning. On this Earth of ours things change day and night, and the same rule is not only for nature; it is also applied to human beings. However much they think they are above the law of nature to destroy it, due to the power they were given by the Almighty to have contr0l over it.
In the silence of a noisy world I lost speech in front of the eyes of the one I wished to hear me the most, cause words weren’t enough and I was too weak to act. I still fail to understand whether the spark was to bright to blind my eyes, or I was too blind to see it. I tried to read the eyes, and express my heart. I believe I was never understood. I play Billie Holiday, now the willow weeps for me.
She chose to go, while I was to stay. Why would a man hang on parallel lines? A question i have always failed to answer. Little things may seem much, while more things may seem null. And that applies both ways, just keep the while where it is supposed to be. The world keeps changing, and when you understand the fact that anything can happen; then you get to know the rules of survival.
Now the world has gone so much noisy that it has lost its silence, or maybe I lost the time to listen. The thrill is gone, and I long for something better. Cause what I thought was best has lost its taste;and no salt or pepper can get back the pleasure of putting it on table. Love is a reflected feeling, don’t expect it when it’s no more. However much you try; you only hurt your own heart.
Words written by a young man in desperate times, when the world was so dark in his eyes that he wondered what hell could be when life is worse. First born of his father, yet never been sure if he was. For his life was nothing but lies he kept learning as he grew. He lived a short life that history doesn’t remember his name, for he left nothing behind to bear it.
A dreamer, that’s what he was. Smart in some ways, but always afraid for he was not sure whether he was crazy or not. He wrote these words when the mind was already dead, while the flesh was still treading the earth. In the pit of misery that’s where he existed. Without a choice he lived in the shadows of his father, just as his mother.
Found no love in the world, he tried to escape; That’s when he learned that death was the only way out. He didn’t know how to go when he wrote these words, cause he was still trying to find a painless way to die. “People don’t die from suicide, they die from sadness. ” so he read; and that was the voice that kept echoing in his brain.
“When the world means nothing, life is useless.” I read that from his thoughts. He always believed there were someone else existing in his skull. You may wonder how does one think like that, but here is a typical proof. I was among the entities existing in his skull, and that’s how I learned his story.
I tried to write it as soon as I could, before his flesh collapses. For I was also to fade when his soul was to escape his body to the unknown. I didn’t try to reason him not to go, for I always wanted the best for him. May be I’m a fool as he was, but I’m sure to most people he was a genius, talented and good at most everything he did. Though he always failed to understand how he does it too.
He had always believed that death is a lone journey, which made him live a life that didn’t count on human beings. He grew up in a Christian family, but it only made his lifetime a quest for the way out of confusion; sadly the more he sought the truth, the more he got confused. For nothing was ever as it seemed.
Hopeless, so you may think he was; but he is the most optimistic guy I ever known. It is hard to be a burning flame in the ocean bed believe me, that’s what made me understand his choice. “Be courageous!” was what he was told most, but I know it’s not what he needed. For it’s more than courage to end your own life as he did.
Most of what happened in his life was never his choice, but he was always blamed for choosing badly. Then he decided to make the last choice in his life. There are things we do not have control over, sometimes our own life is one of them. How would you ride a crazy train when you ain’t the driver to hope stopping it? So he thought.
He tried to dream, and make plans for his future; but found none. That’s why he lived the present as much as he could. It’s funny how life can be so long with a so short story, and so short with a so long story. When he realized his misery was caused by his roots and that he could not cut them off, he decided to be the dead branch, no fruit or leaves just a rotten wood wait for its fall as he fades from memories of his loved ones. He was the happiest and saddest person I know, I was blessed to live with him. These were also my last words, cause I can’t let him go alone.
Lonely is how we end, flesh to dust; bones to ashes. Ages sweep them like a gentle blow on a lighting candle away it fades the flame. We love, but is it love of it’s not mutual?For only hatred a lone heart can bear. I trod the Earth to find wisdom, in the womb I found it. A shapeless cell to a man it stands. What more would I expect?
I loved, too deep I dug; to find the truth, but doubt was the rock I could not brake. And it turns to the question, what’s love without trust and where is the choice without it’s ending? For we fall in love by chance and stay by choice.
Life is short believe me, live everyday like the last, and strive to die happy in the end. And then again it turns to the question,Where does happiness come from? I’m neither a genius nor wise to know the truth. But I have lived that’s all I know. A heart without regrets, therein resides a happy soul. Take every chance you can grab nothing was meant to stop you but to make you stronger.
I once met a merchant selling love, so priceless it was, it could not be bought. Cause trust was to buy it all. He chose to give it to a princess who always doubted it’s existence yet he could never stop to polish it with truth and hope for it to remain.
Days went by, nights came along; the fall was too deep that the edge could not be seen, but a sudden wall was built. As strong as his love was; as soft as it could be broken. In the despair of his crash, he looked above and found a goddess; the illusion of truth hidden in the lies of a good smile and sunshine eyes those he had fallen for. The ones he kept running from, forgetting in his world they could not fade.
“May be this is my last hope.” gently he told himself, stretching his arm for her to reach. And there I stood watching him waiting and waiting, hoping for the goddess to lift him up. And I asked myself ”Why did he run in the first place?” after a quarrel with my thoughts, I found the answer; ”she is a goddess and he is not more than a merchant.”
The clouds that shaped her body were faded, and the sun that shone her face was lost in the doom shades of the eclipse when she turned away from the hopeless begging merchant. There he laid with the rain through his glasses it painted his cheek white, long after it was dried. I asked him “why?”
With a hopeless look he looked at me with red eyes he said “Why did she go? Is this the end?”
As the mind in his body I tried to reveal the truth of the lustful love he called true. His heart would not understand me for it wanted to prove it was true. I told it don’t give me the hard work to mend you, for I can’t tell your structure but I can help finding a heart that would. He sent me to quest, playing tricks as much as I could, I failed to fetch one. For all were sacrificed for the goddess.
I wonder how this will end, is it lonely as we end? As the mind I find him as fool as the heart he says he is human and that their kind have feelings. You know what I hate most about feelings? I have always failed to control them. Like when he gets angry he does crazy stupid things, and I’m the mind to regret and make him promise not to ever do it again. For as joint as we are, we make him the man he is; the fool who is afraid to die a fool. HAHAH!! I always laugh when that thought comes to me. Thanks for reading those are the tales of a broken heart.
Dear Lord is this your will upon my breath?
A tormented soul with a sad heart;
pain on my dish, sorrow count my wealth,
day like night, steel shade my glass.
I’m He the pain and joy,
I feed on your prayers;
Pain defines my glory,
beg for your sky to unfold.
I raised my voice to the heavens,
with hopeless hopes I prayed;
faith fading, I sung to your deafness,
forgotten, on your feet I laid.
I hear and see,
I save and kill,
Your life, my will;
I made the sea.
I regret, the vain beliefs,
On my own, the earth I tread;
Live and die, below is my relief,
you are just an inquisitor dead in my creed.
I exist in the dream of the unborn, the thoughts of the unexisting. A peaceful world hidden in the silence of the noisy one; into the depth of he who lies on a pillow, my soul resides. A child in a womb, living in the shadows of my wishes; my light is the will to make it real.
But I found treasure, the pearl that was long lost, a contemplation of my thoughts; the gold that was never possessed, was made the wonder of my millennium. The wisdom I found in her beauty. Quiet it shines, loud it glows. The twinkling star fell to be my candle.
The world lost its words, languages failed to explain thoughts that dwelt in the feelings her love arouse in me. I stood in the gaze of her eyes, stuck in the admiration of her smile; with the voice that kept asking “Is this real?”
I touched her face to only watch it fade, for it was for a dreamer to believe in the reality of the existence of an angel without wings. Space is tiny in the width of her tender love. I know if she could read this she would say my words are dramatic. I wonder how else I should explain it.
The world spins around, the clock keeps ticking and my heart keeps beating with your love that keeps growing and I keep falling deeper and deeper that I forgot the edge; the only thing I remember is just the street where I first kissed you with the purple clip in your hair.
To be continued…
Hello! Dearest reader, I have a very nice story for you. If you have a good time to read. Here is how it goes. For the first in my life I loved someone, I always quarrelled with my feelings saying I should love when I am sure not just follow the inner lust of my flesh. But there came a time where I did not even get time to think about it I just found myself falling.
Sweet was the fall, fearful was the landing because I did not want to reach the ground. So high was the jump if I was to land it would be the end. I told her, she said she is afraid, I said don’t worry darling; trouble comes sometimes but it is the place where heroes are born. She said it was true, but still wondered what to call me.
I did not want to be selfish, because I did not want to hear a word that I did not deserve or merely that could not be true. Deep inside it is what I wished, to hear her telling me she loves me. Day by day she said it is growing bigger, night by night falling deeper. One awesome night when we were out of words I remember she wrote “You’re amazing, you’re just love”.
So amazing, wasn’t it? The moment you realize you are being pulled in a black hole to whole new galaxy where stars shines brighter and she is the moon of your nights. It is no more than a dream being brought to life with the power to build anything. I always thought of how it went, I could barely understand how we both fell in the same time.
Day and night her face roams my eyes, night and day her smile tread my thoughts. More than just a lady, most a goddess. Soft is her voice, lovely is her smile and most of all you can not dare her thinking. I’m glad she chose me too. Started as just contemplation of what we could be, and ended with all that we ever wished, we are both meant to be.
Hey love, this is now for you. I hope you realize how deep it goes. You may have doubts for we have not been in this for long. But it does not remove the fact that each second I fall deeper. I know you were surprised by how short I fell for you. Time is just an illusion remember. It does not remove what is to happen; no matter how long or how short it is.
Words are nothing but just a concatenation of characters, but this time they serve me right to show you a glimpse of what we could be through the moments of each day. You told me to write a long post, I said words are not enough. Because they only express, what I can say, but what about all that you make me live? They say the untold and unseen is what lies in heaven. What if it is what you brought to me?
I never knew I could write this much. But the moment you said I must do, I said this might be the chance to tell all that I feel for you. Unfortunately I’m seeing that I’m running out words. And I finally realised that all measurement are meaningless when forever is nothing but just a second to blow away, and lifetime becomes a blink of the eye.
Take my hand, and hold the ink as we write history that I read from your eyes. Let us build something, something unspeakable, a reality that exists only in a dreamer’s pillow. Countless shall be pages of our book. You told me I’m amazingly crazy, I told you I’m insane. Let’s share it, I hope you hold the balance, please take the steering wheel because I have lost control.
I only wrote this because she told me to write a long post, and consider it as a punishment. And here it is sugar, the tears from your rod stick. Now I exist in the light of her love, living a new world where each day is priceless to loose, and the next unfolds the unthought-of. I don’t know how deep it will go. But I do not want this fall to end, let’s make it infinite.