In the pit

Words written by a young man in desperate times, when the world was so dark in his eyes that he wondered what hell could be when life is worse. First born of his father, yet never been sure if he was. For his life was nothing but lies he kept learning as he grew. He lived a short life that history doesn’t remember his name, for he left nothing behind to bear it.

A dreamer, that’s what he was. Smart in some ways, but always afraid for he was not sure whether he was crazy or not. He wrote these words when the mind was already dead, while the flesh was still treading the earth. In the pit of misery that’s where he existed. Without a choice he lived in the shadows of his father, just as his mother.

Found no love in the world, he tried to escape; That’s when he learned that death was the only way out. He didn’t know how to go when he wrote these words, cause he was still trying to find a painless way to die. “People don’t die from suicide, they die from sadness. ” so he read; and that was the voice that kept echoing in his brain.

“When the world means nothing, life is useless.” I read that from his thoughts. He always believed there were someone else existing in his skull. You may wonder how does one think like that, but here is a typical proof. I was among the entities existing in his skull, and that’s how I learned his story.

I tried to write it as soon as I could, before his flesh collapses. For I was also to fade when his soul was to escape his body to the unknown. I didn’t try to reason him not to go, for I always wanted the best for him. May be I’m a fool as he was, but I’m sure to most people he was a genius, talented and good at most everything he did. Though he always failed to understand how he does it too.

He had always believed that death is a lone journey, which made him live a life that didn’t count on human beings. He grew up in a Christian family, but it only made his lifetime a quest for the way out of confusion; sadly the more he sought the truth, the more he got confused. For nothing was ever as it seemed.

Hopeless, so you may think he was; but he is the most optimistic guy I ever known. It is hard to be a burning flame in the ocean bed believe me, that’s what made me understand his choice. “Be courageous!” was what he was told most, but I know it’s not what he needed. For it’s more than courage to end your own life as he did.

Most of what happened in his life was never his choice, but he was always blamed for choosing badly. Then he decided to make the last choice in his life. There are things we do not have control over, sometimes our own life is one of them. How would you ride a crazy train when you ain’t the driver to hope stopping it? So he thought.

He tried to dream, and make plans for his future; but found none. That’s why he lived the present as much as he could. It’s funny how life can be so long with a so short story, and so short with a so long story. When he realized his misery was caused by his roots and that he could not cut them off, he decided to be the dead branch, no fruit or leaves just a rotten wood wait for its fall as he fades from memories of his loved ones. He was the happiest and saddest person I know, I was blessed to live with him. These were also my last words, cause I can’t let him go alone.

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#death, #guts, #life, #suicide, #time